Monday, August 31, 2009

Eight months ago, I was an overly excited bride-to-be, too eager and on hindsight, lacking the appropriate level of EQ to book the right suppliers. With a sparkling diamond ring on my finger, I was rapidly developing into a bridezilla (albeit a financially challenged one). I was bugging my parents and aunt day and night. I had my wedsite up and running . I was obsessed.

Two full moons passed and suddenly I was always in panic mode. I felt that there was too much to do and so little time. I was drawing up schedules and timelines and color coded statuses on our spreadsheet.

Four months later, I was pessimistic about my future, and our wedding and the economy. I was depressed and wanted to scale back, majorly scale back like cancel the church wedding and have a simple ROM in Singapore instead with close friends as witnesses. I wondered why I never thought of doing that in the first place.

July was our "serious wedding planning" month. Paui and I set dates where we discussed only the wedding details. I felt happier and more secure, knowing that my H2B showed more enthusiasm. We more or less set in stone our guest list, our budget and everything else in between. I was the picture of a contented bride.

Now September is beginning and that means our big day is just four months away. Our suppliers are more or less done. I still panic and actually dream every night of different ways everything could just come apart. I worry about backbiting relations, close friends who can't witness our church union, my aunt-coordinator going out of town, suppliers who won't deliver, us going out of budget and yes, even a wedding gown which my less-than-ample bosom cannot fully support.

But you know what, it doesn't matter to me anymore. I've added our wedding to my prayers every morning. And I trust that after all the planning and discussions, everything would just fall into place. I want an imperfect but beautiful and meaningful wedding for us.

I once wrote Paui a little post it note during our lowest point this year. It was a time of uncertainty for both of us.

"..., it doesn't matter whatever happens this year. No matter what, 2009 would always end up great because at the end of this year, I will be married to you and become your Mrs Paulito Cardeno". :)

At Bedok Reservoir