The Break Up

I saw the movie 'The Break Up' and its unsatisfying ending reared again my cynical side which has so far hidden itself since I've had a romantic involvement recently. This cynical side now triumphantly rears its ugly head and thumps on what essentially the movie is saying --> that romantic entanglements, no matter how good it starts, no matter how long it goes on, will never have a happy ending.

Ok, so maybe I am exaggerating a bit. But come on, this two people meet, flirt, fall in love and move in together. After a couple of years, little things begin to bother them and the next thing they know is they're headed to their realtor to sell off their joint property.

To be honest, it makes me fearful somewhat. I have never been a girl who was so glossy eyed and whose head is so in the clouds that I declare whatever love I have now will last forever. No, I have always been the sort to step back and look cynically and pessimistically say 'nah, I give this 14 months tops'. My philosophy then was the more you anticipate the fall, the softer your landing becomes.

Now that I'm with Paui, I try to repress these thoughts. Yet in the corner of my mind, in the midst of my happiness, there is always that voice poking me annoyingly. It makes me think that every little mistake, every little quarrel could spell the end of the relationship. That no matter how happy we are with each other at the moment, things could change in a millisecond and we might be fighting and calling it quits. That that is just the way the Wheel turns, how the Pattern is weaved…

He says I should put more trust in him and in Him. Yet its not him I do not trust, but rather the quirkiness of Fate. ( Pink's song 'Who Knew' ). To be honest, I have so many what-ifs in my mind that I get tired just thinking about it.

A friend once advised me to just let go and enjoy the moment. I am in love. Somebody is in love with me. And we are both extremely happy which should basically be all that matters. Doubts have no place in the middle of a love affair.

But this is so hard to do, when the cynic that is me is just itching to say 'I told you so…'.

Gawd, see, I won't watch this movie again. Or maybe this is an effect of being on my own the whole weekend. Nasisiraan na ako ng bait...hehehe.